


Waiting Game

by aces_low



Series: Unlocked Doors [5]
Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Explicit Language, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Interrupted Sex, M/M, Underage Drinking, like a lot of it, lots of emotional boys having dumb feelings, mentions of Daddy KInk, which is pretty par for the course for this series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-03 22:38:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12757572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aces_low/pseuds/aces_low
Summary: Not long after Walt and Brad start their friends with benefits agreement things start getting complicated.With the arrival of some old friends of Brad's, Walt learns who Brad really is.Nate and Ray are just kind of along for the ride, being good friends and adorable boyfriends.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This took so long! I started it the day I finished Steady as We Go and have been working on it since in bits and pieces.
> 
> This takes place after Steady as we go (which was the end of January beginning of February) and ends a few weeks before I Go With You (which takes place at the beginning of April). So, most of this fic takes place in March.
> 
> Brad and Nate are Juniors, Walt and Ray are Sophomores.
> 
>  
> 
> The plan is to post a chapter a day, so chapter 2 should be up tomorrow and chapter 3 should be up on Monday.  
> The characters shown here are not meant to represent the real men, they are just based on the characters of the HBO show.

Nights like this are becoming common. 

Ever since Brad and Walt decided that ‘friends with benefits’ was the best option for them – something Nate had to remind Ray was not meant as a personal slight against him in any way – they’ve been spending more time together, even just as friends. Meaning, more often than not, when Ray comes over, Walt tags along. 

So, the four of them end up hanging out together even more than they already used to.

Nate is almost tempted to make a joke about how they’re having a double date. Knowing that’ll just throw Brad into a tailspin and Walt will end up impacted the most from that, he keeps his mouth shut.

He can’t say the same about Ray though – he can never really say that about Ray – as he and Brad are currently arguing over who has the more fucked up brain and it’s inching into dangerous territory. Or at least territory Nate would rather not be present to witness.

“All I’m saying, is I know that behind your stone-cold surface is a mind more twisted than I could even begin to imagine. Or you’re a serial killer waiting to happen. I haven’t decided yet.”

Brad does not seem amused.

“Seriously, Ray? All I’d need to do is point at you and anyone within viewing distance could see what a warped, trailer trash, drug baby you are.”

It’s how they show they care, Nate reminds himself. It had been jarring the first twenty or so times he’d been witness to Brad and Ray's sparring, he’d tried to reprimand Brad the first couple of times, when Brad and Ray were first becoming friends, but they’d both shook it off so easily with a laugh. Now, Nate tends to just block them out, or even enjoys some of the more creative insults they come up with. It’s almost like poetry.

“I’m talking psychologically, Bradley. There’s something very Patrick Bateman about you. How do you feel about coat hangers?”

Brad rolls his eyes.

Ray turns to Walt then. “Does he watch himself in the mirror when you’re fucking, cause that might be a sign to get out now.”

“Jesus Christ, Ray,” Brad jumps in before Walt, who looks incredibly amused, can respond. “You want to talk about sex habits? Should we start with the bestiality, the cousin fucking, or the daddy issues?”

“You’re falling on old standards, Brad, cousin fucking, really?” Ray asks, unimpressed with Brad reusing tired insults. “And daddy kink? Are you confusing me with yourself again?”

Brad’s eyes narrow. “You wanted to talk psychology, I wonder what kind of connections a psychologist would make when looking at your relationship with Nate and the fact that you’re a literal bastard.”

“I’d like to be left out of this particular conversation,” Nate speaks up, attempting to find some solidarity when looking over at Walt, but he just sees the traitor with his head in his hands trying to hide his laughter.

“Okay, if anyone has called anyone else in this room ‘daddy’ it’s definitely Walt to you, so let’s not even try that,” Ray counters, bypassing Nate.

Walt makes a noise of protest, but Brad smirks.

“At least we don’t have a sex list.”

Nate feels his ears heat up as he turns to look at Ray. Walt snickers behind his hand for a moment before turning his attention back to the TV, probably aware that any parts of this conversation involving him are most likely over for now.

Ray actually looks a little shamefaced that he revealed the existence of their list to Brad. 

But, as with most things, Ray shakes it off quickly and replies with, “nothing wrong with keeping things interesting.”

That’s not what the list is for though. Nate started the list so that they could slowly work toward a place where Ray felt comfortable with sex. Once they’d reached that point, that’s when it started to become more about things to try that Ray, and occasionally Nate, is curious about. It’s never been about keeping the magic alive or whatever he’s implying, they haven’t even been together a full year, it’d be pretty sad if they’d already hit that point.

“Walt and I aren’t together, so we don’t have that problem,” Brad responds, leaning back in his chair after grabbing another slice of pizza.

Nate can feel his stomach sink as he glances over at Walt, who is biting his lip and staring at the TV intently, like maybe if he just pretends he’s not a part of the conversation it might actually cease to be real. Nate turns his eyes to Ray then, who is glaring daggers at his best friend.

Brad doesn’t seem to grasp what he’s just said as he easily chews away, watching the movie, completely unperturbed by the emotions he’s riled up.

“Hey Walt,” Ray says, still glaring at Brad.

“Yeah?”

“Let’s get out of here, go to that one bar that all the hotties hang out at, see if we can’t find a couple guys to take back to the dorm,” Ray says.

Nate frowns at the same time Walt turns to raise a questioning eye to him, before quickly glancing to Brad then away. Brad narrows his eyes and studies Ray, clearly trying to figure out what his end game is. 

“Uh, I don’t-“ Walt starts, but Ray just stands, pulling Walt up with him. 

“C’mon, it’ll be fun,” he says, walking them toward the front door, pushing Walt along with him.

Walt turns back to look at Brad for a moment before allowing Ray to drag him through the front door, and Ray shuts it behind them without another word.

Both Brad and Nate stare at the door for several seconds before Ray bursts back in, taking long steps to reach Nate before grabbing him and kissing him hard. Nate doesn’t have enough time to right himself before Ray pulls away.

“Don’t worry, all the hotties will be for Walt,” Ray explains, then turns and walks back out, slamming the door behind him.

Nate can’t keep himself from chuckling.

But then Brad speaks and his good humor is gone again.

“What the hell was that about?” Brad asks, still looking to the door like maybe they’ll walk back in at any moment.

Nate can, and will never be able, to say that he knows exactly what Ray’s thought process is at any given moment, but he does feel like he understands Ray’s intent.

“Why would you say that?” he asks, turning fully to look at Brad now.

“Say what?”

“About you and Walt, about not being together.”

Brad keeps his expression even. “We’re not,” he says with a shrug that isn't as nonchalant looking as Brad probably hopes.

“And you have to throw it in his face like that?”

Now, Brad frowns. “I wasn’t throwing it in his face, he knows how it is.”

“Yeah, he knows how it is because you keep reminding him, even though you know how he feels about you, and you know you feel the same,” Nate says, standing up to take his and Walt’s and Ray’s plates into the kitchen.

“We’re in college, there’s no reason anyone our age needs to be in relationships,” Brad responds, his look to Nate pointed. 

But Nate isn’t interested in hearing about how ridiculous his relationship with Ray is tonight.

“Right, and how many people have you slept with since you started this thing with Walt?” Nate can’t help but ask, because while he doesn’t usually like to keep up with his friend’s sex lives he knows that Brad has more feelings for Walt than he wants anyone to know about.

He doesn’t wait for Brad to respond, because he knows he won’t, before heading into the kitchen.

~~~~~~~

“Why are we here?” Walt asks as they take an open table in the not too crowded bar.

“I told you, we’re gonna reel in some hotties for you,” Ray explains

Walt sighs, looking around the bar for a moment then back at Ray. “We were having a good time with Brad and Nate. I’m not interested in being chatted up by strangers tonight.”

“Were you really? Were you really having a good time? If you can convincingly tell me that Brad didn’t upset you then we can go back,” Ray says, looking into Walt’s eyes.

Instead of responding, Walt just scowls and looks away.

After a minute of silence between them, Walt looks at his phone, rolling his eyes before showing Ray what’s on the screen.

It’s a text from Brad, asking if Walt is coming back tonight.

“Tell him no, you already have a line of guys waiting for you to invite them back to our place.”

Walt frowns, looking down at his phone before putting it away without answering.

“I’m not trying to play games with him.”

That makes Ray sigh, shoulders slumping. He’s been avoiding having to say this for over a month, but he thinks it’s time.

“I don’t think you should play games with him either,” Ray says, truthfully. “I…I think you should try to find someone else, or just stop this fuck buddies thing with Brad. It’s not good for you.”

“I’m fine,” Walt insists, though his frown makes his words less convincing.

“Are you? Because all I ever see anymore is you getting your hopes up and Brad never failing to let you down.”

“It’s really not that bad. We have an agreement.”

“One that only benefits him,” Ray argues.

Walt shakes his head. “That’s not true. I’ll admit, he’s kind of a weird in front of other people, but it’s different when it’s just the two of us.”

“You know that’s bullshit, right? He shouldn’t be a jerk to you ever.”

“He’s _not_ , seriously, Ray. You don’t know what you’re talking about. And I’m getting a little tired of having you more concerned with my love life than I am, or your own for that matter. Just…stop, you’re so annoying sometimes.”

Ray can feel a clench in his gut at Walt’s words. Nate had warned him that this would happen if he kept pushing.

“You know what? You’re right. What the fuck do I care if you get your heart broken? Have a fucking blast.”

He gets up from the table, ignoring Walt as he calls out to him. 

Ray knows he’s a lot sometimes, knows that he can take things too far and push people past their limit. It’s one of the many reasons he spent most of his life without anything remotely close to a best friend until he’d met Brad. Ray almost feels greedy having the number of friends he has now, along with Nate, and Brad and Walt. And it’s as if any moment everything is going to fall away and reveal that he just made it all up. So, maybe he’s holding on too tight, trying to keep everyone together so that when the inevitable fallout occurs Ray isn’t the one left standing alone. But, maybe his meddling and pushing is actually the thing that will ruin everything.

For now, Ray just needs Nate. Needs for Nate to hold him and tell him he’s not as awful as he sometimes feels he is. Nate is usually pretty good at holding off on his ‘I told you so’ speeches until after Ray is feeling better, so he hopes he follows that trend tonight.

 

He opens the door to Nate and Brad’s place, barely acknowledging that Brad is still in his same spot as when they’d left. Ignoring Brad calling out to him, he walks into the kitchen and opens Nate’s door. Only, the room is empty.

“Where’s Nate?” Ray asks Brad, poking his head through the doorway to the living room.

Brad huffs. “The shower. Where’s Walt?”

Ray just waves his hand and walks back to Nate’s room.

 

“What’s wrong?” Nate asks him several minutes later when he walks into his room to see Ray laying in his bed.

Ray just digs himself further beneath the covers, hiding his face.

“Are you okay?” Nate asks, sitting down on the bed and putting a hand on his arm over the covers.

“I’m fine,” Ray mumbles, peaking up out of the blanket to look at Nate who is frowning down at him.

“What happened?” He lays down next to Ray after he opens the blanket up for Nate to slide in.

“Nothing, I’m just…” He rolls his eyes at himself and tucks his head into Nate’s neck, already feeling a little better when Nate wraps his arms around him. He had known Nate’s arms would be the best place for him to go to stop feeling sorry for himself.

“Just what?” Nate prompts, moving back after a moment to look at Ray’s face.

Ray takes a deep breath and looks up at him.

“Did you know that you and Walt are the only two people I know that have never called me annoying, at least to my face?”

Nate’s eyebrows pinch together and his lips curve down. 

“Ray-“

“Actually, I guess you’re the last man standing for that particular honor now,” he tells Nate, rolling his eyes at himself for being as upset as he is.

“He shouldn’t have called you that,” Nate says, trying to pull Ray in again, but Ray resists.

“You don’t even know what I did. I was doing exactly what you told me I shouldn’t be doing and now Walt is, as you predicted, annoyed with me,” Ray argues. 

Nate bites his lip, studying Ray’s face.

“I don’t even know why I’m upset. Brad says worse shit to me when he’s being nice. Walt saying I’m sometimes annoying is nothing.”

“It’s different though,” Nate says thoughtfully. “You and Walt aren’t the same as you and Brad. I bet he feels bad about it. Have you checked your phone?”

“It’s on your desk,” Ray says shrugging, not really interested to see if Walt has tried to contact him at all.

But Nate turns to grab Ray’s phone off the desk beside his bed. He hits the home button and quirks his lips up for a moment before turning the phone for Ray to see.

There is a missed call and three texts waiting for him. 

The texts read:

_I’m sorry_

_I know you’re just looking out for me and I appreciate that_

_Are you with Nate??_

 

“Did you leave him at the bar by himself?” Nate asks, and Ray ducks his head.

“I may have stormed out.”

“Ray-“

“I know, I know I shouldn’t have, I was just upset and wanted to see you.”

Nate tries to hand Ray’s phone to him but Ray just digs himself further into the bed, he’ll talk to Walt later.

Sighing, Nate gets up and grabs his own phone. He searches through it for a moment before bringing it up to his ear.

“Hey, where are you?” he asks the other person on the line when they answer, who Ray can only assume is Walt.

Nate waits for a moment before asking, “you’re at the dorm or you’re walking to it?”

Ray bites his lip, knowing that he probably should have been the one to check to make sure Walt got back safely. Maybe he’s not as good of a friend as he’d thought.

“Okay. Yeah…he’s fine. Yeah. He’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he says, looking over at Ray, and Ray knows that is a promise Nate is making to both Walt and himself. Ray nods.

“I will,” Nate says before hanging up.

He turns to give Ray a disapproving stare and Ray frowns.

“God, Nate please don’t prove Brad right,” he says, sitting up finally.

Nate quirks an eyebrow up. “Right about what?”

“That I have deep rooted issues, due to growing up without a real father figure, that I’m transferring onto my relationship with you.”

Ray shakes his head away from thinking too hard about all the ways that they fit those roles, it’s almost a laughably classic case of it, but he’s not going to worry about that right now. Or ever.

“Just…be my boyfriend tonight, please.”

Thankfully, Nate looks equally disturbed by the idea and quickly joins him on the bed again.

“Okay, you’re right,” he says, kissing Ray soundly for a moment before pulling back. “Walt said to tell you that he’s sorry, by the way.”

Ray nods and wraps his arms around Nate’s shoulders. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

Nate starts to nod as well before squinting his eyes and then shrugging. “Whatever,” he says slowly, like he’s testing the word out, then tilts his head.

They watch each other through narrowed eyes for a moment before Ray can’t help but laugh.

“We’ll work on it,” he suggests.

Nate pulls him into another kiss then and Ray responds in kind. This, they at least know how to do.

 

As Nate had promised, Ray and Walt make up the next day. After sex and sleep Ray isn’t nearly as upset by Walt’s words, especially because he knows Walt hadn’t been completely wrong.

Ray promises to stop getting in the middle of Walt and Brad’s relationship, whatever it may be, to let them work things out between them and to just be there when Walt asks him to be.

“I’m gonna keep in mind what you said though,” Walt tells him.

“About what?”

“About…moving on, or at least keeping my options open. I’m free to date whoever I want, right? Maybe I should take advantage of that,” Walt says, more to his legs than to Ray.

Instead of saying something like ‘that’ll make Brad lose his Viking mind’, he says, “sure.”

 

So, things go back to normal, he guesses anyway. Neither Walt nor Brad act like someone stole their favorite toy, so Ray can assume they’re still fucking. But they haven’t had another ‘not-a-double-date’ in the past few weeks, and Ray doesn’t know if that’s just how things have worked out or if it’s a conscious decision on Walt and/or Brad’s part.

He doesn’t even have proof that Walt and Brad are still hooking up until several weeks later, and that’s when things get really weird.

 

It’s just past one in the morning when Ray wakes up, his mouth is dry and his tongue feels like sandpaper, the collar of his shirt is sticking to his skin as he’s sweat through it. He’s stuck between Nate and the wall and while he usually tends to prefer this side of the bed, likes feeling surrounded, he’s currently experiencing some claustrophobia.

He kicks the covers off of himself, trying to push them down instead of over onto Nate, because if Ray is hot then Nate is probably burning up. Ray pulls his shirt up over his head and tosses is toward the end of the bed. The fan in Nate’s room is only on the low setting, but it does cool him down enough that he doesn’t feel like he’s crawling out of his skin. It doesn’t do anything for his dry mouth though.

Nate doesn’t have any water on his bedside table for Ray to drink and he tries to ignore how thirsty he is for all of thirty seconds before he’s wiggling his way down the bed, trying to maneuver his way off with only a slight worry that he’s probably waking Nate through all of this.

He gulps down the first glass of water in record time and has to take a minute to catch his breath when he’s done.

The next glass he drinks slower. He’s already feeling much better, when he feels arms slowly snake their way around his middle and a sucking kiss against his shoulder.

“Poke, is that you?” he asks with a grin, snickering quietly when strong fingers pinch his side in retaliation.

“Asshole,” Nate says with no heat in his words and kisses Ray’s shoulder again.

Ray sighs and pushes back against him a little but Nate doesn’t let him turn, instead just trailing one hand up Ray’s arm to take the glass he’s still holding and sets it down on the counter in front of him.

Nate’s lips are warm on his skin, the fingers of his left-hand gripping Ray’s hip tight as his right holds Ray’s hand against the counter.

His quickening breath is the only sound in the otherwise silent kitchen until Nate shushes him, pressing a light kiss to his neck.

Only, Ray’s breathing just picks up speed as Nate’s hand moves from his hip so that his fingers can brush Ray’s growing erection through the material blocking them.

“I dreamt that I was fucking you on the kitchen table,” Nate murmurs against the shell of Ray’s ear.

His laugh gets cut off by the groan that is forced from his chest as Nate shoves his hand inside Ray’s boxers to wrap around his cock.

He leans back, letting Nate hold his weight for a moment, feeling the warm skin of Nate’s chest against his back. Ray pushes against Nate then thrusts forward into his fist a few times before Nate shoves him forward again, removing his hand and pressing him up against the counter.

Ray whines in protest but Nate just shushes him again, nipping at his ear as his fingers play with the waistband of Ray’s underwear.

“You want me to fuck you?” Nate asks, thrusting up against him once, making Ray hiss at the mix of pleasure and pain of his cock brushing against the wooden cabinet in front of him.

All he can do is nod and push back again.

“Want me to bend you over right here and fuck you in the middle of the kitchen?” Nate asks, breath hot against Ray’s ear.

“Shit,” Ray breathes out, attempting to bend himself down if Nate is just going to keep asking like this, maybe a visual representation of his willingness will do the trick.

Still, when Nate pulls Ray’s boxers down in one swift move he lets out a choked off yelp that transforms into a moan. He doesn’t have time to think much about the fact that he’s bare naked in the kitchen, because Nate turns him and claims his mouth in a searing kiss, and Ray’s brain is already feeling sort of fuzzy so all he can do is wrap his arms around Nate’s shoulders and hold on tight.

This is so typical Nate, all the guys like to give them shit for fucking in other parts of the house, and Ray knows that they all blame him for that. If only they knew that Nate is really the one who seems to have plans for every single area of his house being christened by them at some point. Ray’s tendency to want to fuck Nate in places other than Nate’s room is more about opportunity than anything else, if they are in the living room and he decides he wants to suck Nate’s cock – which is honestly becoming just a current state of being for him at this point – then he’s not really interested in moving to Nate’s room to do that. Nate, on the other hand, seems to get a thrill out of it.

So, maybe it’s 50/50 and they’re both to blame for what Poke has called ‘a complete violation and disrespect to other people’s living space’. 

Nate’s fingers brush along Ray’s hard cock, just enough to tease not enough to provide any sort of relief and Ray has to pull away from Nate’s mouth to rest their foreheads together and pant against Nate’s cheek.

“Fuck me, please,” he begs, not caring at all that he sounds desperate. He is desperate. 

Nate kisses him softer this time, slower, and Ray nearly whines, he doesn’t want them to slow down, he wants Nate to fuck him hard against the kitchen cabinets.

“I didn’t actually bring anything out here with me,” Nate says almost sheepishly as he moves away from the kiss.

It takes several seconds for Ray’s hazy brain to catch up and figure out what Nate means. When it finally does Ray scowls.

“You cock tease, you get me all hot and bothered even though you know you can’t follow through? Weren’t you a boy scout, whatever happened to ‘always be prepared’?”

Nate chuckles, which is just rude because Ray is absolutely not joking.

“I can go get it, or I can blow you,” Nate tells him, kissing his cheek in a silent apology.

Ray takes a moment to think about that, he really wants Nate to fuck him, but that requires going to get lube and condoms and then taking the time to prep and Ray’s aching cock is begging him to take the blow job.

“You promise you’ll fuck me on the table soon?” 

Nate grins before holding up three fingers. “I swear on my Boy Scout preparedness badge.”

Ray rolls his eyes but allows it when Nate kisses him again. They kiss for another minute before Nate moves down his neck and Ray lets his arms fall to the counter, ready to use them as his support.

Just as Nate is about to drop to his knees the sound of a door opening stops him.

“Walt, wait.”

Brad’s voice makes Ray’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth, not even sure if he’s planning on saying anything, but Nate presses his hand to Ray’s lips anyway.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” Brad continues.

They’re in the living room now, Ray can tell and Nate pushes almost flush against him, probably to hide how very naked he is if Walt or Brad decide to make their way into the kitchen.

“Yeah, I heard you the first time. You didn’t mean it. Then don’t fucking say it. Why would you say that to me? Was it a joke?” Walt’s angry voice is being kept at a whisper, but they’re so close Ray doesn’t even have to strain to hear it.

“It wasn’t a joke, I-I don’t know why I said it.”

“Don’t touch me.”

“Walt, I didn’t-“

“You didn’t mean it, I know. You’d never say something like that to me in a million years if you were thinking straight. You say it to everyone, right? Well, don’t say that shit to me.”

“No, I- Walt.”

But the door slams and he can hear a whispered “fuck” followed by a hard pounding sound, which Ray can only assume is Brad’s fist against the wall.

Nate keeps his fingers to Ray’s lips for another few seconds until they hear the sound of Brad’s bedroom door shutting.

“What the fuck did he say?” Ray whispers, and Nate just shakes his head.


	2. Chapter 2

There’s a knock at the door and Ray doesn’t even look up from his computer, just keeps typing away with a muttered: “nose goes.”

Walt rolls his eyes but gets up off his bed anyway.

“You’re not even touching your nose,” Walt points out as he makes his way over to the door. 

Ray gives him a thumbs up in response and Walt grins as he opens the door, revealing Brad who nearly barrels his way inside, grabbing Walt’s face and kissing him hard.

“Mmpf,” Walt attempts to protest against the surprise kiss as he’s backed up further into the room.

“I’m really sorry about this,” Brad whispers quickly as he steps away and turns back toward the open door.

Walt blinks in an attempt to recover from the weird greeting, trying to wrap his mind around whatever is going on as two people he’s never met before walk through the door behind Brad.

The girl is tall and beautiful, blonde hair resting neatly past her shoulders. The guy is also fairly attractive and stands just a couple inches shorter than her. 

“This is Caroline and Cody,” Brad says to him like he’s supposed to know what that means.

Walt glances over at Ray to see if he’s just as confused by Brad’s behavior, but at the mention of their names Ray’s eyebrows raise into his hairline and even he seems to get it.

“Nice to meet you,” Walt says because even though he’s confused he has been taught manners. 

He glances up at Brad, who is holding himself more rigid than normal, a blank look on his face. 

Caroline smiles. “Same, I’ve heard so much about you, you’re even cuter than Brad had described, and that’s saying something,” she tells him with a wink.

Walt tries to keep his smile natural looking as he thanks her for the weird compliment. Brad has apparently been talking to these people about him, and he has no idea why, and he still has no idea why he’s supposed to know who they are.

The guy, Cody, quirks an eyebrow as he looks between Brad and Walt, even eyes Ray for a moment who has shockingly stayed quiet.

“Is everything ok?” Cody asks.

Brad clears his throat and wraps his arm around Walt’s middle tentatively like he knows that Walt has half a mind to push him off.

“Yeah, I’m just an idiot and forgot to tell Walt that you guys were coming to town.”

Caroline’s eyes widen. “You _forgot_ to tell him? We’ve had these plans for weeks.”

She then rolls her eyes and directs her gaze to Walt. “He does this all the time. It’s infuriating, isn’t it?”

Walt blinks and looks up at Brad. “Infuriating is a good word for him, sometimes.” But he wraps his arm around Brad’s middle, following his lead.

“And I’m Ray, Brad’s best friend,” Ray finally speaks up, sticking his head out from around Brad.

“Oh, yeah, Ray, it’s nice to meet you too,” Caroline says. “Brad’s mentioned you a lot.”

“Yeah, he’s mentioned you two a few times to me too,” Ray says, grinning wide, looking a little crazy behind the eyes.

Cody and Caroline let out a few uncomfortable chuckles.

“So, what brings you two all the way over here to the East Coast?” Ray asks, sitting back in his chair.

“Cody has an interview for an internship over the summer, and to visit with Brad, of course.”

“Right,” Ray says, leaning back, not averting his gaze.

“So, how about lunch? On us,” Cody says, trying to steer the conversation away from Ray.

Clearly, Cody knows nothing about Ray.

“No can do, I’ve got this massive paper due by the end of the day and I’m only on the Introduction, but maybe tomorrow,” Ray replies.

Walt can’t help but grin.

“Right, uh, Brad, Walt?” 

“I can’t, sorry. I have class in just a couple hours and I need to finish some stuff up before then,” Walt says, absolutely not prepared to sit and eat with these total strangers, acting as a couple with Brad, which he can only assume he’s told these people is the case. Why he’d tell anyone that, Walt has no idea.

“Oh, well that’s okay, we’ll see you over at Brad’s tonight, right?” Caroline asks and Walt looks up at Brad and then over at Ray, and they both just widen their eyes a fraction, as if that’s supposed to tell him what he should say.

So, he looks back over to Caroline and smiles his most friendly smile, and dawns just a little of his Virginia charm as he says, “I’ll definitely try to be there.”

Brad squeezes his side for a moment before letting him go completely.

“Well, let’s leave these two to get to work, we’ll probably see them both later tonight,” Brad says, beginning to lead his friends out.

He stops when they get to the door and turns, making his way back to Walt to plant a soft kiss on his lips. Walt begins to push up into it, a habit for him at this point, before remembering his surroundings and moving back again.

“I’ll see you tonight,” Brad says quietly, looking into his eyes for just a moment before heading off.

Once the door is closed behind them Ray lets out a low whistle.

“What the hell was that?” Walt asks.

Ray chuckles. “I know, _that_ was Caroline.”

Walt just stares at Ray, hoping he is planning on elaborating.

“Ya know, as in _Caroline_.”

“Yeah, I get that her name is Caroline, who is she?”

Ray narrows his eyes at him before shaking his head. “Brad’s never told you about Caroline?”

“No,” Walt huffs out, starting to feel very frustrated by all of this.

“High school girlfriend, broke his heart, the whole reason he doesn’t do relationships? None of that ringing a bell?”

Walt feels like the air has been knocked out of his chest and he sits down on his bed as Ray’s words sink in.

“He hasn’t told me anything,” Walt admits.

“Shit, homes, he’s never mentioned why he’s such a cold bastard when it comes to the idea of relationships? I figured that would have been conversation number one in the Fuck Buddies advisory handbook, ‘why is my fuck buddy so psychologically damaged that he cannot form attachments to other human beings?’” Ray rambles, gesturing wildly with his hands. 

“Mr. Iceman and Ms. Ice queen were high school sweethearts, believing that even going to school clear across the country couldn’t tear them apart. That is, until Brad’s best friend, Cody,” Ray pauses to motioning toward the door, “stepped in and gave her a more local option. Brad went to visit during the first break his Freshman year and they sat him down and explained that they were in love and that Brad meant too much to them to lose as a friend and they’d hoped he would be understanding. And you know Brad, he just smiled and acted like he didn’t feel a thing, he even stayed friends with them, talks to them semi-regularly, and apparently shares all the news about his adorable boyfriend.”

Walt’s head is spinning. He should have guessed that there had been some kind of heartbreak in Brad’s past to make him so anti-relationship, but it really hadn’t ever occurred to him. He’d just assumed that what Brad had always said was true, that they’re too young to worry about things like that.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” Walt asks, getting up and going over to sit on Ray’s bed.

“I thought you knew. If he told me I thought for sure he’d tell you.”

Walt huffs. “Yeah, right. That would require him to ever talk to me about his feelings.”

“Who said anything about feelings?” Ray asks, turning back to his computer to type away at his paper. “You know Brad likes to pretend he doesn’t have those. Why else would he stay friends with two people that completely betrayed him? It’s the bullshit he gets himself into by trying to convince everyone around him that nothing can hurt him. And they must be absolute sadists to go along with it.”

Walt watches Ray type quickly, occasionally looking down at his notes. He’s never met anyone who can write like Ray, he does the research, retains it, and then spills out whatever is on his mind about the topic including the research he’s done, and his professors always think it’s inspired. Walt would be jealous if he wasn’t so impressed.

“Ok, ignoring all of Brad’s hang-ups with relationships and emotions and stuff…why would he tell them I’m his boyfriend?” Walt asks after a minute, letting his mind run wild with trying to figure out Brad’s thought process.

“Well, I’m guessing during one of his chats with those two they asked about his love life, probably all wide-eyed and concerned for the boyfriend and friend they’d left behind. And Brad, not liking that one bit, probably didn’t think they’d be impressed by the sheer number of people he’s fucked since she dumped him and so he picked the very best of his options. Hell, if I didn’t have Nate I’d probably lie and say I was dating you too.”

Ray turns for just a moment to send Walt a suggestive wink before going right back to his paper.

“He’s such an asshole,” Walt says, thinking back to the other night.

He’d been furious with Brad, really ready to give up on this whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing after this last time. Ready be done with Brad for good after he’d decided that saying “I love you” during sex was at all appropriate for them. 

Walt had never felt so many emotions fly through him at one time than they had at that moment. Brad had been fucking into him slow and deep, sucking bruises into the side of Walt’s neck – an unfair claiming habit that signals to other people that Walt isn’t as available as he definitely is, and a constant source of frustration for Walt as he likes them way more than he should – when he’d groaned out a pretty clear “fuck, I love you” against Walt’s skin. Walt had immediately stopped and opened his eyes.

“What did you just say?” he’d asked.

“What?” 

“You just said that you loved me,” Walt had told him since Brad had seemed a little dazed still.

“No, I didn’t,” Brad had argued, sitting back up and pulling out of Walt.

“Yes, you did, I heard you say it.”

Brad had groaned and rubbed a hand across his face. “I don’t know, maybe I did, it’s just something you say sometimes, I guess.”

Walt had shot up out of the bed and away from Brad so quickly he’d almost lost his footing. Hearing those words had sparked far too many feelings of hope to well up in his chest, and the admittance that it was something Brad apparently said to other people as well made all that hope and warmth turn sour. He had thought he was going to choke on it. He’d gotten dressed and left as fast as he possibly could.

And now, one week later, Brad is crawling back to him wanting him to act like his boyfriend. He can’t help but wonder if that had been Brad’s plan, start buttering him up early and spring the fake boyfriend angle sooner. But the natural way Brad had said it and then denied it makes Walt figure it hadn’t been part of any plans of his.

A small, petty part of him wants to go over there tonight and let Caroline and Cody know the truth, and also let Brad know that they’re done once and for all.

But he’s never able to act on those petty impulses, as a much bigger part of himself feels sympathy for Brad, for what these people did to him. He wonders what kind of person Brad would be if he didn’t have the trust issues that he has now because of them. But then, Walt would probably never have been anything to Brad if he was still with Caroline. He’s not sure how he feels about that.

“Do you think I should go? Tonight, I mean?”

“Play the sweet, charming boyfriend for a few days? Sure, why not? Show Brad what he’s missing out on,” Ray says, not turning away from his computer. “It’s sounds kind of fun. This is some sitcom hijinks level shit right here.”

“And then that’s it, just back to friends for us,” Walt says out loud, though it’s not meant to elicit a response.

Ray frowns and turns toward him. “I’m really trying to stay out of this.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“I say, do it, make Brad dote on you, remind him that he owes you for doing this. And then when it’s all over…do what feels right.”

Walt doesn’t say anything else as Ray goes back to working on his paper.

 

During the walk over to Brad’s, Walt wonders what kind of boyfriend he should be. If he should be affectionate and handsy, the way Nate and Ray often get, or if he should hold off. He doesn’t know if he should call Brad by some kind of pet name, or how they are supposed to be together as boyfriends. In fact, he doesn’t even know how long they’ve supposedly been together. He figures he’ll just follow Brad’s lead, not look at him like he’s crazy if he makes a wild claim and not act like this is the first time any of this is happening.

Though, when he follows Ray into the house and he sees Brad on the chair he usually likes to occupy, Walt gets an idea. 

“Hey, I was just about to see if you were still coming,” Brad says when he sees Walt, the tightness behind his eyes that Walt had seen earlier is still there. Brad must have been worried that Walt wasn’t going to show up to help him out.

Instead of responding, Walt just walks over to him and sits down on his lap, pulling Brad into a deep kiss that makes Brad look a little dazed when he pulls away.

Walt grins and looks over to where Caroline and Cody are sitting on the couch, pointedly not looking at Brad and him.

“Sorry, hey guys, did you have a good lunch?” he asks, settling in on Brad’s lap comfortably.

Brad slowly wraps his arm around him before squeezing tight.

They talk for a few minutes about what they did today before Nate and Ray walk into the living room. Walt hadn’t even noticed that Ray had wandered off.

Nate and Ray both quirk an eyebrow at how Walt and Brad are sitting, but don’t say anything and Walt wonders if it was Brad or Ray that let Nate in on the lie. Walt has to assume that Brad mentioned something to his roommates, especially since Poke isn’t likely to keep his mouth shut about them acting strangely otherwise.

“So, what’s the plan for tonight?” Nate asks, looking around the room.

“I can’t stay out too late,” Cody says. “I’ve got my interview in the morning.”

Caroline nods and looks at Brad. “Honestly, I’d rather just stay in and catch up, and get to know Walt.”

“Ooh, couple’s night. We’re in,” Ray declares, clapping his hands together.

Walt laughs, relieved at the idea of Ray and Nate sticking around because if there’s one thing Ray is good at its drawing attention.

“Oh,” Caroline’s eyes widen a fraction, looking to Cody then to Brad and Walt. “Uh, okay.”

“Ray, I think maybe we should let them just hang out, we can do our own thing,” Nate suggests.

“No, stay,” Walt says at the same time Brad says, “you guys can stay.”

Cody shrugs. “I don’t mind.”

“See, it’s four against two,” Ray says with a grin.

 

Ten minutes later, Ray and Nate are off picking up food for everyone, and Cody is in the bathroom, leaving Brad and Walt with Caroline. For some reason, looking at Brad’s ex while sitting on Brad’s lap is making Walt incredibly uncomfortable.

“Hey, actually I need to talk to Brad for a second if you don’t mind?” Walt says when he notices Caroline looks like she’s about to start talking, most likely to ask Walt about himself, or worse, about him and Brad.

He stands, not waiting for her to respond, and grabs Brad’s hand. Brad stands and says, “we’ll be right back,” before following Walt down the hallway to his bedroom.

When Brad closes the door behind him he leans against it, keeping his head down.

Walt watches him for a moment, but Brad does not seem willing to meet his eye just yet.

“Are you going to explain any part of this to me?” Walt asks, crossing his arms.

“I’m sorry, I am. I meant to tell you earlier and I kept putting it off. And then with what happened last week-“

“Why is it even a thing at all?” Walt cuts Brad off, not wanting to talk about last week right now.

“They’re only here until Sunday, it’s just three days,” Brad says, looking up finally to meet his eyes. There is something desperate behind his eyes that makes Walt’s stomach turn. But not enough to stop him from asking.

“That’s not what I meant. Why do they think we’re dating?”

Brad narrows his eyes. “Because I told them we were?”

Walt nearly throws himself onto Brad’s bed in frustration. He’s not sure if Brad is being deliberately obtuse or really doesn’t get it.

“ _Why_ did you tell them that? Why me? Why tell them that at all? Better yet, Brad, why did you never tell me about _her_? Don’t you think your _fake_ boyfriend might like to know about your _real_ ex?” Walt has to regulate his tone to a harsh whisper, even though all he wants to do is yell. A tendency he’s becoming more and more familiar with knowing Brad Colbert.

“That’s a lot of questions,” Brad says instead of anything remotely helpful, and Walt feels himself deflate.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Walt reminds himself that he doesn’t need the why, he’s pretty sure Ray’s theory had been correct, that Brad just wanted them off his back. He doesn’t need Brad to tell him why he never talked about Caroline, telling Walt would be to admit that he’d been hurt by Caroline and Cody, and Brad wouldn’t do that.

“Why me?” he asks again. That, more than any other question, is the one Walt really wants an answer to.

It’s also apparently the question that Brad doesn’t know how to answer, or doesn’t want to. Brad opens his mouth like he wants to speak before crossing his arms and looking down again.

“Why not just ask Nate to help you out for a weekend? Or Kocher? Or Garza? Or Stafford? Or Rudy? Why not just pick up some random person and ask them to play pretend for a weekend? Why _me_?”

He whispers the last part, recognizing that his voice is raising again. 

“Well, you’re the only one I sleep with on a regular basis,” Brad points out, which…fair.

“I’m also the only one who you deny wanting a relationship with on a regular basis,” Walt counters and Brad flinches. 

He looks up again, eyes still desperate and pleading. “Walt-“

“So, tell me about us.”

“What?”

“Well, if I’m going to have to play along I’d like to know what you’ve told them about us. How long have we been together? What is our relationship like? Who asked who out? Do we double date with Ray and Nate all the time or do we prefer to spend time alone? What have you told them?”

Brad blinks for a few seconds before standing up straighter. “Right, uh, I…I asked you out. We’re…we do the same stuff we always do, I don’t…I haven’t changed a whole lot about what we actually do. So, I guess we just hang out, mostly. We don’t go on double dates with Ray and Nate. That hasn’t been brought up but…no way are we going on double dates.”

Walt can’t help the small laugh the comes out of him before he can remind himself that he’s still annoyed with Brad.

Brad grins, clearly a little relieved that Walt isn’t glaring so harshly anymore.

“And how long have we been together?” Walt asks, rubbing his eyes.

“It won’t come up.”

That makes Walt pause, studying Brad for a moment before speaking. “It might? Plus, it helps me know where we should be as a couple.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Brad argues, finally moving away from the door to sit on his bed.

“Brad, tell me how long they think we’ve been together,” Walt insists, he can feel his heartbeat quickening and he’s not sure why.

Brad shakes his head for a few seconds before finally looking at Walt again. “Last year, okay?”

“Okay,” Walt says slowly, trying to figure out why Brad is being so weird about this one thing. 

“Like November, December?” he asks, a little surprised that he apparently told them they were together before they’d first hooked up, which is what he’d originally thought was what happened.

“February. I told them in February that I asked you out and you said yes,” Brad finally admits before, with just a twist of his lip, his face takes on the blank mask he often dawns when confronted with Walt trying to talk about his feelings.

Walt feels like all the air has left his lungs. “They think we’ve been together for over a year?”

Brad nods.

Not only has Brad been perpetrating this lie for over a year, Brad and he had only known each other a few weeks when Brad must have first told them that. 

He watches Brad, who is staring straight ahead, face emotionless, for a minute, before moving to stand in front of him.

“Brad,” he says softly, but Brad doesn’t look up at him.

This is big, this is much bigger than they have time to go into right now. So, instead of pushing Brad to talk to him, a task that Walt knows could take hours, he reaches out to put his hand in Brad’s hair and tugs.

“What the fuck?” Brad nearly yelps, looking up now.

Walt doesn’t answer, instead just moves his hands to his own hair, ruffling it up a bit before lightly smoothing it back down.

“What are you doing?” Brad asks.

“We’ve been in here too long for us to have been doing anything but arguing or making out, do you really want them to think we’re having problems?” Walt asks.

He doesn’t wait for a response before he kisses Brad hard, sucking and biting his lips as he tugs on the back of Brad’s shirt, bunching parts up in his hands and twisting.

Brad breaks away, breathing hard and watching Walt like he’s not sure if he’s about to punch him or kiss him again.

Walt raises an eyebrow assessing his work. Brad doesn’t look overly messy, just enough to make it seem like they got carried away for a minute, forgetting they had company to entertain.

“How do I look?” Walt asks, holding his arms up slightly for Brad to look him over.

Brad stands up slowly, assessing Walt for a moment before grabbing him by the collar and yanking him forward. Walt hisses and gasps at the feeling of Brad’s teeth raking against his lip, but Brad doesn’t bite down too hard, instead, delving deeper, kissing Walt like it’s leading to something.

As he always does, Walt can’t help but push up into the kiss, always so fucking responsive to Brad. It’d bother him more if Brad wasn’t the exact same with him.

They finally pull away after a minute, both breathing harder now and Brad’s eyes are darker than before. Walt feels caught in his gaze for a moment before Brad just backs away and heads to the door, opening it and motioning for Walt to go through first.

Walt shakes his head, trying to get his head back on straight before walking to the door.

Just as he’s about to pass, Brad puts a hand on his arm.

“Thank you,” he says, voice soft and sincere and Walt’s stomach does that twisting thing again.

He wants to tell Brad that they’re not at all done talking about this, but he’s sure Brad knows. For now, they’re just a regular couple and he’s just a loving boyfriend who is supporting Brad through this awkward visit.

Just as they’re making their way back down the hallway Ray and Nate walk through the front door.

“Seriously, guys,” Ray says when he sees Brad and Walt emerge. “We’re gone five minutes and you can’t keep your hands off each other?”

He turns to address Cody and Caroline now. “I swear, together over a year and they still act like this.” He shakes his head and rolls his eyes and if Walt didn’t know Ray he’d think he was being serious. Walt also wonders if Nate was the one who told Ray about this timeline, or if Ray has known this whole time.

“We were just talking,” Walt insists, faux-innocent with wide eyes and just a small smirk, he might enjoy these next few days more than he should.

“Uh huh,” Ray says with his own smirk, and Walt is pretty sure Ray is going to enjoy himself too.

Nate rolls his eyes and walks into the kitchen, barely tolerating any of it.

 

Dinner goes fine. Caroline asks Walt a lot about himself, but they’re all simple enough questions – where is he from? Virginia. What is he majoring in? Education. So, he wants to be a teacher? Yes, preferably Kindergarten or First Grade, Caroline thinks that is adorable. In fact, Caroline seems to think most of what Walt says and does is adorable. He’s never spent a good deal of time with any of his romantic partner’s exes before, but he’s pretty sure this isn’t standard.

Thankfully, with Ray being there too, any awkwardness or comment that is made that might be a little too close to revealing some truth, Ray is able to expertly change the subject, distracting everyone away to a different topic.

It’s actually kind of nice, getting to hear stories about Brad from back home. Apparently, all three of them go all the way back to knowing each other since grade school. There’s an almost rhythm they fall into when telling stories like they all know the parts they’re supposed to say. 

Walt also can’t help but enjoy the casual way Brad touches him all night. The way he’ll put a hand on Walt’s back or knee for just a moment, in a way he’s so careful not to do most of the time. He can’t help but take advantage of the situation and kiss Brad a couple of times, right out in front of everyone to see, the way he wishes they could be all the time.

Eventually, Nate and Ray start touching each other more and more and Nate starts whispering randomly in Ray’s ear, causing Ray to grin wide and mischievously. Ray turns and whispers something back and Walt can barely hold his eye roll back when he sees the inevitable reddening of Nate’s ears and then the quick turn toward the rest of the group.

“We’re gonna turn in, I think,” Nate says smoothly, it does nothing to convince Walt or Brad that they’re planning on just going to sleep. 

And just in case Caroline and Cody hadn’t caught on, Ray makes sure to tell them, “we’re about to go bone,” as Nate pulls him up to stand. Nate gets that look on his face, the one he gets when he’s contemplating scolding him or laughing, narrowing his eyes and pursing his lips before a small smile quirks on his lips, Nate just drags Ray out of the room.

“I think that’s my cue to go,” Walt says, standing up now too.

“You’re leaving?” Caroline asks.

“The living room isn’t a great place to be when those two start going at it,” Walt explains. “Nate’s room is right on the other side of that wall, and Ray gets…”

He trails off, unable to explain Ray’s particular brand of loud, and looks down at Brad for help.

“Boisterous,” Brad supplies and Walt snorts out a laugh.

Cody laughs too but Caroline still looks at Walt in confusion.

“But why are you leaving? If it’s because of us…”

“Oh, no, no not at all, I just didn’t bring my stuff with me,” Walt hurries to explain.

“He usually keeps stuff here,” Brad says, and Walt has to stop himself from looking at him in confusion. 

Realizing it would be pretty sad if Walt never left anything at Brad’s place if they had been together for over a year Walt nods.

“Their dryer is terrible,” he explains, or lies. “I prefer the one in the dorm.”

“And I stay at the dorm a lot since Ray is never there anymore,” Brad adds on.

“Where’s everyone sleeping anyway? You never did tell me, are you on the couch?” Walt asks, looking at Brad.

“Poke decided to stay with Laura this weekend, offered his room up to them,” Brad explains.

That makes sense. When Brad explained the lie Poke and he had probably come to the agreement that there was no way Poke would be able to keep his mouth shut about it. 

“Just as long as there is no fucking on his bed,” Cody says in what Walt can only assume is a direct quote that had come from Poke to Cody.

Walt laughs. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“You should stay,” Brad says, tugging on Walt’s arm now.

He _shouldn’t_ stay actually, and that’s the problem. Walt likes staying, even though he never actually gets to sleep as much as his body would prefer, but with the ways things are right now, he just feels like the less time alone they spend together the better.

Though, if he really wants to try to get over Brad, or whatever it is he is trying to do, he probably shouldn’t have agreed to be his boyfriend for a weekend.

“Okay,” he agrees, pressing himself further into Brad’s side. 

He’ll deal with healthy boundaries once the weekend is over.

 

It’s awkward getting into bed together in a way he hadn’t been anticipating, it’s not like they’ve never slept next to each other. But, he reminds himself, sleeping next to each other haa always been more of a side effect than a goal. So, they both just stand next to the bed for a moment, shifting on their feet, Walt nearly tripping over the ridiculously long legs of a pair of pants of Brad’s that he’s borrowing before Brad finally gets in and Walt follows.

Now, Walt is lying on his back, arms stiff, trying to keep them at his side, and his mind can’t stop taking him back to the last time they’d been on this bed together.

“Can I kiss you?” Brad’s soft voice carries through the dark and Walt nearly shivers from the way his skin reacts to just those words.

He turns to look at Brad now, face mostly obscured by shadows. 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to do anything tonight,” Walt tells him honestly.

“I didn’t mean that. I just…never mind, you’re right.”

Brad turns away from him to lay on his back, arms at his side, as stiff as Walt’s had been.

Walt bites his lip, knowing how bad of an idea this is, unfortunately, that seems to be the way he operates when it comes to Brad.

He leans down to place a light peck on where he believes Brad’s lips to be. Before he can move away again Brad kisses him back, snaking his hand up over his shoulder to grasp the back of his neck, his hold gentle.

They’ve never done this before. Never kissed soft and slow without the feeling that things were leading to more. Walt’s breath becomes shaky after just a few minutes, not from exertion or passion, but the rapid beating of his heart and the goosebumps on his skin and the tender way Brad is touching and kissing and holding him. They don’t do this, they don’t just kiss like they have all the time in the world together.

They break apart eventually, slowly and naturally, and it’s only then that Walt realizes he’s clutching the front of Brad’s shirt in his hands. He releases his hold, stretching out his fingers, before resting his head against Brad’s shoulder, not even thinking about being self-conscious until Brad wraps his arm around him, hugging him in.

He drifts off like that, slowly and naturally, warm and content in Brad’s arms.

 

Walt wakes up in Brad’s bed alone. 

He’s used to this enough by now, Brad is a much earlier riser than he is. He rubs his face against Brad’s pillow for a moment, breathing him in without him there to notice or look at Walt like he’s crazy. After just a few minutes he finds the energy to drag himself out of bed and pull his clothes on from last night. He kind of wishes he could just keep a toothbrush at least over here for nights when he stays over, but, he reminds himself, he’s not sure if there are going to be any more of those after this weekend. 

Shaking his head away from those thoughts he leaves Brad’s room, not ready to deal with that decision yet.

He smells coffee and hears conversation from the kitchen so he pokes his head in just to see who all is up. Nate is pouring the coffee for Caroline while Brad leans up against the far cabinet drinking his own.

Walt’s eyes meet Brad’s first and there’s a softness behind his eyes that reminds Walt that he doesn’t actually see Brad in the morning very often and he feels himself smiling before he can remember to be embarrassed by how sloppy he probably looks, wearing the same clothes from last night while everyone else has gotten the opportunity to actually change this morning. He knows his hair is probably sticking up in all sorts of directions and he’s pretty sure he’d seen a crease line on his cheek in Brad’s mirror.

Still, it’s nice when Brad seems to perk up when he sees him and pushes off the counter to walk toward him.

“Good morning,” Brad says, leaning down to kiss him, but Walt turns his head just in time for Brad’s lips to meet his cheek.

“Sorry,” he says when Brad pulls back with his eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t bring my toothbrush with me last night so I don’t think you’re gonna want to kiss me yet.”

That makes Brad chuckle. “Well, I’ve been drinking coffee, so I have coffee breath,” Brad tries to counter, as though that somehow makes kissing more appealing.

Walt grimaces.

“Here, how about you drink some coffee and then you can both have gross coffee breath together,” Nate says before pouring another mug and handing it over to Walt. 

Walt knows he’s blushing now as he takes the offered coffee.

“It’s funny how even after a year you two haven’t figured this particular issue out,” Nate says, voice a little lower, sending them both a pointed look before going moving back over toward Caroline.

He knows Nate is right, Walt is still acting how he feels like all of this is new and exciting and causing butterflies to have a rave in his stomach. Somehow, he needs to forget about all that and just remember that he’s supposed to be Brad’s boyfriend like it’s nothing new.

So, Walt clears his throat and takes a sip of his coffee, walking past Brad to take one of the seats at the table.

“You’d think he’d learn by now, but I swear, every time I stay over he tries to kiss me in the morning,” Walt says casually to the room.

Caroline chuckles. “Cody is the same as you,” she tells him.

“Is he still sleeping?” Walt asks, happy to move past this conversation into one that has less to do with what is and isn’t standard in his relationship with Brad.

“Just left, actually. He wanted to make sure he got there in time and since he’s never been there before he didn’t want to risk getting lost.”

Brad finally decides to join them at the table, pausing only to leave a kiss in Walt’s hair as he passes and Walt has no ability to stop the small blush that blooms on his face or the way his mouth keeps trying to pull the corners up even more into a wide grin.

“Brad and I were just talking about going to breakfast,” Caroline tells him. “You’re coming too, of course.”

“Oh, no you guys should go, I don’t need to tag along.”

“No way, we wouldn’t go without you,” she says, looking like the idea of her and Brad sharing a meal alone together is scandalous.

He’s not sure if it’s her trying to be respectful to a concern Walt doesn’t have, or it’s something Cody would have a problem with, either way, it seems sort of strange to him. But he has to acknowledge to himself that he has no place to be the moral authority on healthy relationships, so he keeps his mouth closed.

“Sure,” he relents. “Just gotta stop by my place to change.”

 

“If Cody gets the internship will you be coming here to stay with him?” Walt asks as they eat.

Caroline shakes her head. “No, I have a job back in California, I wouldn’t be able to leave for the whole summer like that.”

“So, you guys are gonna do long distance?”

“Yep.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to do it?” he asks before taking a bite of his eggs.

Brad’s knife clatters to the floor, startling them both. Walt takes one look at the slight tinge of red on Brad’s face once he sits back up after grabbing the knife off the ground and he realizes what he’d just implied.

“Oh, god, I didn’t…I wasn’t trying to say anything...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I swear,” he rushes to explain to Caroline.

She smiles and waves him off. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t,” she assures him, but Walt doesn’t miss the tightness in her smile or the way her eyes keep drifting over the Brad after that.

Walt bites his lip, to stop himself from digging himself in further, he really hadn’t been thinking about her and Brad’s failed long distance relationship when he’d asked.

“What about you?” she asks after a moment of awkward silence, clearly trying to move on, away from the topic of her and her past with long distance.

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, with Brad going away to…what is it? That officer training school thing, ya know? You’re going this summer, right?” She looks over to Brad with her question. “I doubt either of you are looking forward to going so long without seeing each other, and I’m guessing you two won’t be able to contact each other much.”

He fights the urge to ask her what the hell she’s talking about and instead looks over at Brad for a moment, who looks right back at him, an unreadable expression on his face.

“We talked about it, it’ll be hard but we’ll get through it,” Brad says, turning away from Walt.

Walt isn’t sure why he’s so surprised by this, Brad has been planning on joining the military since they’ve known each other, Brad has even mentioned going to OCS recently, but for some reason, Walt hadn’t put the pieces together that this was happening soon. He lets the realization pass through his brain before answering as honestly as he can.

“It’s not ideal, but this is something Brad’s been wanting to do for so long, I’m pretty excited for him, actually,” Walt tells her truthfully.

He doesn’t look back over at him, but just a few seconds later he can feel Brad’s hand find his own underneath the table. 

 

“To kick ass interview skills!” Ray toasts Cody with the round of shots Kocher got for everyone – after he collected all their money, of course.

Everyone cheers and takes their shot.

Walt tosses his back, shivering just slightly as the sharp taste of vodka hits his tongue. 

Cody had come back from his interview excited, informing them that they’d told him that he had the job right then. They all agreed that was a cause for celebration so they decided to take Caroline and Cody to one of the better clubs.

Walt catches Brad’s eye from across the table they’re all standing around and the slight buzz he already has going makes him smile which prompts Brad to smile right back.

This isn’t the first time they’ve gone out to a club together, but it will be the first time he won’t have to worry that Brad might decide to go home with someone else tonight. 

He’s distracted from his less than happy thoughts by a tap on his shoulder. He turns to see a good-looking guy with a nice smile aimed right at him.

“Hey, I’m Dan,” the guy says just loud enough to be heard over the music.

“Hi,” Walt says, a little bit dazzled by the guy’s charming smile.

Dan quirks an eyebrow up, probably hoping for a name, but Walt has been approached by too many guys in too many places to give up his name that easily.

When Walt just stares back Dan chuckles and shakes his head. “Would you like to dance with me?” 

Before Walt has even processed the question, he can feel an arm come up around his shoulder. Not that he expected anyone else, but the height of the body next to him leaves Walt knowing exactly who is standing there, probably glaring right down at Dan.

Walt doesn’t look over, just smiles politely at Dan and says, “no, thank you.”

Dan’s eyes scan all 6’4” of Brad before wisely nodding at Walt and walking away. 

Brad starts to move his arm off but Walt reaches up to grab his hand, holding his arm in place.

“Does that happen a lot?” Caroline’s voice breaks the tension and Walt turns to look at her.

Before he can respond Ray speaks up. “Oh yeah, you have no idea. We get free drinks everywhere we go because everyone is always trying to get up on that,” Ray says, motioning to Walt.

He can feel his face heat up and Brad stiffen up beside him. Finally, Walt looks up, to see Brad’s face in that unreadable mask again. 

Walt wraps his other arm around Brad’s waist and tugs.

Brad looks down then, eyebrows pinched, and Walt nods his head toward the back of the club. 

He tugs again and this time Brad follows the movement, and they walk away from their friends without a backward glance.

Once they’re a little more alone and in a spot that they’re more likely to hear each other Walt stops walking and looks back up at Brad.

“I wouldn’t have gone with him,” Walt says, letting go of Brad’s waist and moving out from under Brad’s arm.

“I know,” Brad says, but doesn’t look at Walt when he speaks and Walt is pretty sure that Brad hadn’t known that.

Walt takes Brad’s hand again, letting his thumb run along Brad’s knuckles for a moment before gripping it tight.

“Not because Caroline and Cody are here. I wouldn’t have gone with him because you’re here, and why would I want to dance with some random guy when I can dance with you?”

Brad’s eyes are piercing, looking down and holding Walt in his gaze for a long minute, the rest of the club feels like distant background noise to the sound of his heart thumping in his ears as Brad stares.

Just as suddenly Brad blinks and Walt is brought back to the club, aware of his surroundings again as well as the small grin on Brad’s lips.

“You wanna dance?” Brad asks, using Walt’s grip on his hand to pull him in closer.

Walt smiles back for just a moment before dragging Brad along behind him out onto the dance floor. 

 

Nate and Ray have to be kept apart on the walk home, otherwise they’d never make it back with how often they want to stop and make out.

As soon as they step through the threshold of the house they’re drawn to each other like magnets. Giggling and clutching and stumbling their way toward Nate’s room without a backward glance at any of them.

“Are they always like that?” Cody asks, still very much amused by Nate and Ray’s seemingly five-month long honeymoon phase.

“Always,” Brad deadpans as he grabs Walt’s hand and starts making his way down the hallway to his bedroom. 

“Night,” Walt calls back to Caroline and Cody since Brad seems to have already forgotten about them.

As soon as the door is closed Walt is pushed against it, Brad’s mouth hot and insistent against his own. Walt has to fight the urge to kiss back just as hard, or lock his arms around Brad’s neck, or take Brad’s pants off.

Instead, he reluctantly turns his head and says, “stop.”

Brad pulls back just enough to look at him, his hands still holding tight to keep Walt pressed against the door. His eyes are heavy-lidded and dark, intoxicated and looking at Walt with so much want he feels himself shiver just a little.

“Not tonight,” Walt forces himself to say, easily pushing Brad’s hands away.

There’s a moment where Brad just stares at him, eyebrows pinched together, before he sighs, backing up and flopping down on his bed.

“I forgot,” Brad mumbles.

“It’s just-“ Walt starts to try to explain, but Brad cuts him off.

“I know.”

Walt stays against the door for a minute, watching Brad rub at his eyes.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks.

Brad turns to look at him, the motion slow. “No, c’mere,” he says, reaching his arm out toward Walt.

“Let me just get changed and brush my teeth and I’ll be back,” Walt tells him.

He grabs his bag and leaves, feelings Brad’s eyes on him until he closes the door behind him.

 

Walt runs into Caroline in the hallway as he leaves the bathroom who is holding her own toothbrush.

“All yours,” he tells her with a small grin.

She smiles and nods, moving past him. He’s just making his way back down the hall when she stops him.

“Hey, actually, can I talk to you for a minute?” Caroline asks.

“Sure.”

She leads him into the living room, sitting down and patting the couch next to her for him to sit. Walt hesitates for a moment before joining her.

“I know you probably think I’m kind of weird,” she says, her lips quirking up. “Or a bitch.”

“I don’t think you’re a bitch,” Walt tells her truthfully. 

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

He studies her face for a moment, trying to decide what it is she’s wanting from this conversation. But Caroline is still a bit of a mystery to him after just two days of knowing her and Walt really can’t be sure what her end goal is here. So, for now, he figures the truth is the best tactic.

“I’ll be honest, I didn’t think much of you when I first heard about what happened between you and Brad,” he admits, not adding that he only just heard the story two days ago. “But I don’t hate you for it, and you’re definitely not a bitch.”

She smiles. “Can I tell you a secret?”

Walt nods.

“I didn’t think you were real when Brad first told me about you,” she says, adding a playful grimace to her words.

He tries really hard not to laugh at that. 

“Well, I’m real,” is all he can think to say.

“Not because I didn’t think Brad could find anyone,” she rushes to say. “It’s just…you sounded too good to be true, and the way he talks about you sometimes, Walt…I mean, you know, right? You know how he feels about you?”

Walt bites his lip, so tempted to bow his head and admit how unsure he is about anything involving Brad, but Brad has been, in some way, wanting them to be together for over a year, and that means something. He’s not sure how big that something is, but it feels like it could be big.

“I do.”

“And not that I think you’re threatened by me at all, but, just so you know, the way he looks at you…he never looked at me like that, ever. Brad isn’t an easy person to be in love with,” she says softly, as though she’s ashamed to say the words out loud. “I thought for a while that maybe it just wasn’t something he couldn't do, ya know? But clearly, he just needed to find you.”

He knows that her words shouldn’t be affecting him as much as they are, that none of this actually means or changes anything. Still, hearing that someone else, someone who probably knows Brad better than most, sees something between them, it feels like hope.

“So, I know I’ve probably been a little over the top this weekend, been a little more friendly with you than you may have expected. I just…I’m happy to see that you’re everything he said you were.” 

Caroline pulls him into a tight hug then, just long enough for him to put his arms around her before she pulls back with a grin. She stands, offering her hand out for Walt to grab and helps him up.

 

Brad looks to be fast asleep when Walt enters his room again. Walt gently slides into bed beside him, but almost immediately, Brad’s arms surround him and drag him to his chest, his nose pressed to Walt’s hair, mumbling something Walt can’t make out.

He smiles as he presses his nose to Brad’s neck.

“Goodnight, Brad.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Next time you’re in California you’ll stop by, right?” Caroline asks, before pulling Walt into a hug as she and Cody get ready to leave. “With or without Brad.”

Walt wants to tell her that he’s literally never been to California, so unless Brad takes him there it’s very unlikely there will ever be a time, let alone a ‘next’ time, for him to go there.

Instead, he just says, “definitely,” and hugs her back.

Once she lets him go she moves over to Brad to give him a hug goodbye and Cody gives Walt a small wave and grin.

“It was nice finally getting to meet you, Walt. Maybe I’ll see you around this summer, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah, for sure,” he says, realizing for the first time that Cody will be in town this summer. “Here, let me give you my number.”

Cody hands Walt his phone to program his number in before he moves on to give Brad one of those awkward half handshake half hugs.

“It was good to see you again, man,” Cody says to Brad as he steps away.

 

Once they’re out the door, Brad and Walt stand together in the living room for a minute, neither saying anything.

Walt sighs, he knows they need to have this conversation, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared of the outcome.

“I think we should talk,” he finally says, looking up at Brad.

Instead of saying anything, Brad just nods and leads the way to his room.

Walt sits on Brad’s bed as soon as he walks in, watching as Brad attempts to find a place to stand. 

He crosses and uncrosses his arms, keeping his eyes averted from Walt’s as they both just wait for the other to speak.

“So,” Walt starts, when he realizes Brad isn’t going to be the one to do it. “A year?”

Brad’s eyebrows pinch together and he finally looks at Walt, before understanding crosses his face.

He shrugs. “I don’t have anything to say about that.”

“You’ve been pretending that we’ve been in a relationship for a year and you don’t have anything to say?”

“You were a cute guy I had just met at the time that happened to be friends with Ray so I figured I’d probably see you around enough to keep the lie going. I didn’t choose you because it was some kind of love at first sight bullshit.”

Walt nods. “Fine. But you do understand that it’s not normal to just lie to people and tell them you’re in a relationship with someone, and to keep that lie going for a year, and then to physically act out that lie to keep it going for who knows how long, just so that those two people don’t feel bad for you or whatever your reasoning is, you know that, right?”

“Yes, I’m aware,” Brad says, looking at the wall behind Walt’s head.

“I’m not the asshole here, Brad.”

That makes Brad look at him again. “I never said you were.”

“Well, you’re making me feel like I’m the one who’s crazy for seeing something deeper in this weird scenario you dragged me into. And what for? Just to appease two people you barely care about?”

Brad’s eyes flash in anger then and Walt is taken aback by the emotion he sees there. This isn’t the first time he’s seen that look on Brad’s face, struck by the idea that Walt believes he cares less than he does. Walt has seen it before when he’d claimed that he and Brad had never really been friends.

And that’s when it clicks. Walt can’t help but see it now, the reason that Brad didn’t just hightail it out and away from those two people once they’d revealed that he was now the third wheel in their little group. It’s not that Brad doesn’t care, it’s that he cares a lot, maybe too much. And Walt doesn’t know what Brad and Caroline’s relationship was like, but he knows Brad, and he knows that regardless of how strong Brad’s feelings are, he just doesn’t always know how to express those feelings. He doesn’t know how to put himself into that vulnerable of a position and trust that he’ll be safe. So, he plays the cold, aloof guy, acting as though claiming he has emotions is the worst sort of insult, which in turn just pushes people away, proving Brad’s theory that there’s no use in even trying.

It’s like a piece of a puzzle Walt hadn’t even realized had been missing has finally appeared and Brad no longer feels like such a mystery to him. Walt looks up at Brad for a moment, and for the first time he doesn’t look beautiful and unattainable and irresistible, he looks just like a twenty-year-old guy, anxious and confused and trying so hard to hold this all together and fumbling through every attempt.

And Walt knows without a doubt that he loves him.

“I’m sorry,” Walt says instead of revealing any of that. “I didn’t mean that. I know they’re your friends.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it isn’t. I keep doing that, assuming you care about people less than you do, and it’s shitty and I’m sorry.”

The last of the fire in Brad’s eyes drains out and now he just looks tired.

Walt takes a deep breath, finding the courage to finally say, “I can’t do the friends with benefits thing anymore.”

Brad nods his head. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

“Really?” Walt asks, a fluttering starting in his chest at the possibility that they’re on the same page, that this weekend finally changed Brad’s mind.

“Things keep getting blurred and confusing, and I don’t think that’s fair to either of us,” Brad says.

Walt narrows his eyes, looking up at where Brad is leaning against his dresser. 

“Well, that is just vague enough.”

Brad’s lips quirk up for just a moment before falling back down. “I think that we should go back to how we were before.”

The air goes out of Walt’s lungs as soon as Brad finishes speaking, the tip of his nose and the corners of his mouth begin to sting, and he lowers his head for a moment to compose himself.

“I’m sorry,” Brad says after a minute when Walt doesn’t have a response for him. “I just…didn’t want any of this. When Caroline and I broke up I realized that I wanted to be alone while I finished school. It’s easier this way.”

That makes something hot burn in Walt’s stomach and he snaps his head up to look Brad in the eye. 

“I didn’t want this either, you know? I wasn’t looking for anything like this. Whether you meant it or not you were right, we’re too young for this bullshit. I didn’t come to school hoping to find just one guy who I could spend all my time thinking about, I didn’t go out looking for you,” Walt tells him, feeling the anger in his stomach bubbling up to the surface. “But that’s not the point, the point is we _did_ find each other and we _do_ have these feelings, so what the hell are we even doing here?” 

Walt feels like he’s starting to shake, he tries to take a deep breath to calm himself down, but the air gets caught up in his throat. Brad tightens his jaw and turns so that he’s no longer looking at him.

“I’m trying to save us both the disappointment when three months in you realize that I’m not as emotionally available to you as you thought I was going to be, but you hold out for another three months because either you believe it’s going to get better or because you aren’t willing to admit defeat. And then I become resentful because it’s clear that I’m not living up to your expectations and then just make everything worse.”

“Wow,” is all Walt can say to that.

Brad shrugs.

“So, that’s it?” Walt asks, standing up now.

“We’re still friends. Remember, our agreement said that either of us could end this at any time and we had to stay friends.”

Walt has the sudden urge to throw something at Brad’s head.

“I’m not her.” Walt tries one more time. He winces at how broken his voice sounds, but he can’t help it, it feels like there is a lump in his throat the size of Brad’s fist, and his chest feels like Brad is crushing it beneath his feet.

“No, but I’m still me.”

“This is so stupid,” Walt says, fighting every urge he has in him to stomp his foot.

Brad continues to just stare. His gaze isn’t cold and uncaring, his eyes are sad and tired like he’d rather be anywhere than right here. Walt can relate.

“Why are you so stupid with this one thing? You are such a smart person in every other aspect of your life except for this,” Walt continues. 

“Walt, please-”

But Walt feels too far gone to stop now. If he’s going to have to feel this way, then he’s going to have to just get it all out.

“I don’t know if it’s what they did to you or just who you are, or if it’s a combination of the two, whatever it is has turned you into this person who is so afraid of hypothetical future pain that you’re willing to put both of us in real pain right now.”

Brad frowns. “I’m not boyfriend material, I’m sorry that this hurts you, I really am, but I am not capable of whatever it is you think I’m capable of.”

“No, I have no delusions about what you’re capable of. And I’m sure you were infuriating to have a long-distance relationship with,” Walt bites out. “But now it’s like you think that you’re not even worth the effort for anyone else, even though I’ve been here taking and giving and just holding on to what little I could, because unfortunately, I’m in love with you and you’re in love with me, and that’s just something we’re both going to have to live with…together or not.”

Walt is breathing heavier, trying to hold back the crushing ache in his chest and the moistening of his eyes, trying to make something click in Brad’s brain that very well may not exist there. 

He knows he’s lost when Brad’s only response is to cross his arms and look down at his feet, voice soft when he says, “I’m sorry.”

Walt shakes his head a few times, blinking back his tears quickly.

“Yeah, me too, Brad. You know what, you’re right, why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?”

He grabs his bag and leaves without sparing Brad another look. He can’t make Brad believe something he doesn’t want to believe, and he can’t keep trying to force something that just won’t work. It’s out of his hands now.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brad likes order. Routines and rules and set facts. Logic isn’t messy, not the way emotions always seem to be. He likes computers and coding because it’s so much easier to look at the language there and know what’s right and what’s wrong and how to fix it. 

It’s easier to run on autopilot some days. To ignore the emotional side of things and just do what needs to be done without thinking about how he feels about it. It’s all just a waste of time.

Of course, that’s easier said than done.

He unprepared for it when he walks into his house to see Walt on the couch playing a video game with Poke and Kocher. And the punch in the gut from just the sight of Walt causes Brad to stop in his tracks. It’s almost visceral at this point, his body’s reaction whenever he sees Walt, it’s sheer willpower that keeps his arms at his sides instead of reaching out to touch him.

Walt eyes him for a moment, sending him a small, awkward smile before going back to his game. He’s doing exactly what Brad had told him he wanted, going back to how things used to be. 

Annoyingly, that makes it all worse. It’s selfishness that had prompted his request that they stay friends, his desire to continue to see Walt had been pure greed on his part, but he hadn’t anticipated the way he’d feel seeing Walt, just sitting there like everything is back to normal.

Brad goes to his room without a word, he doesn’t have anything to say. He rubs at his chest, even though he knows it’s not going to do anything to lessen the tightness he feels there. It’s been eight days since Brad had made his decision. And the honest to god truth is, he's not doing well, despite the fact that he knows he's not wrong. 

Walt wants a boyfriend, something he could probably get by walking outside and holding his hand up. Brad had given him that opportunity, to find someone that could be emotionally available to him, someone who wouldn’t make him sad, someone who could communicate with him. Brad had meant what he said, he just isn’t cut out for the traditional boyfriend role and that’s obviously what Walt wants. 

The truth is, they don’t fit together. Walt is charming and extroverted, he makes friends with everyone he meets and he’s basically everyone’s favorite person. Brad is awkward and introverted and is an acquired taste to the random friends he’s picked up along the way these past few years. When assessing their qualities side by side they barely match up. Brad trusts facts and numbers, and the truth is they don’t add up to a whole.

He’s not an idiot, he knows that people don’t need to be exactly the same to work out, he sees Ray and Nate make it work every single day.

The difference there is that what Ray and Nate are is exactly what the other wants and needs. 

Ray is barely filtered chaos, his mind works faster than anyone Brad has ever met, and he has little interest in rules and norms. Nate is attracted to and excited by that kind of thing, especially because it’s something he can never fully allow himself to become, so he feeds off it in others, particularly in Ray. And Nate is order and quiet passion for Ray, someone who can understand him and string all his thoughts and ideas together and morph it into some kind of sense. Nate is like a safety blanket, something Ray clings to and covers himself with to quiet and soothe the madness.

Walt is sunlight and energy, he breathes fresh air into any room he walks through and Brad often feels warmer and more relaxed when Walt is around.

Brad has nothing to offer Walt. 

He’s done the calculations, and he’s weighed the pros and cons, and all he can ever see is him hurting Walt in the long run. 

So, he’s just gotta put on his cold mask and thank Walt for giving him what he’s asked for.

If only things were that easy.

 

Brad is sitting at the table, staring at the stove - or more precisely the kettle on top of the stove - lost in thought, when Nate’s door opens.

“Hey, can’t sleep either?” Nate asks, walking further into the kitchen. Apparently, it’s one of the rare nights that Ray isn’t sleeping over.

“Just finished a paper,” Brad tells him. “I’m still kind of wired, thought I’d make some tea.”

Nate frowns, looking at the stove then back to Brad. “Did you forget that you actually have to turn it on for the water to boil?”

Brad blinks himself out of the daze he’s been in, narrowing his eyes at the stove top.

“I guess I’m more tired than I thought.”

“Yeah.” Nate picks up the kettle and shakes it to see if Brad even thought to put water in it, before setting it back down and turning the stove on. 

He pulls out two mugs and two teabags.

Brad thanks him as he watches him work.

Nate sits down across from him, gaze steady. They don’t speak for a while, just staring across the table, listening to the rattling of the kettle.

“Can I ask you something?” Nate asks finally, breaking the silence.

Brad closes his eyes. “No.”

“Let me rephrase. I’m going to ask you something.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

“What is all this really about?”

That makes Brad open his eyes, just to narrow them at Nate.

“What’d you mean?”

“With you and Walt. I’ve been trying to figure it out and I just can’t.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t spend so much time thinking about shit that doesn’t involve you,” Brad says, leaning back in his chair.

Nate nods. “You’re right, but I’d like to know anyway. Because at first, I thought it was about Caroline, I thought that either you still had some kind of tie to her or that what happened between you two made you believe that relationships were pointless. But I don’t think she actually had anything to do with it. Because I’m remembering back to freshman year, and I’m remembering how shocked I was to find out that you were with someone, and then when you guys broke up it changed…nothing.”

He sounds contemplative, voice low and even, as he shares his thought process into Brad’s views on dating.

“Look, Brad, I don’t think you should do anything that you don’t want to do. The problem is that, at least to most of us, it seems like you _do_ want to be with Walt, but you’ve just decided that it’s not going to happen. And I can’t figure out why. Is it because you think you’re not good enough for him?”

“Walt will be fine,” Brad says, looking down at the table. And he knows it’s true, there are plenty of people interested in Walt, he could have his choice of guy, there’s no reason for him to settle on Brad.

“Okay, but what about you?” Nate asks slowly. “No offense, but it’s been two weeks and you’re kind of acting like a zombie.”

“It’s just school.” Brad shrugs, he knows that Nate doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t know what else to say.

“Look, if it’s that you just feel like you’re not good enough for him or that you’re not a good boyfriend or whatever, you have to know that Walt is willing to deal with any of that to be with you, right?”

That makes something hot burn in Brad’s stomach and he raises his gaze up to look at Nate again.

“He shouldn’t have to,” Brad growls. “It shouldn’t take some Herculean effort for him to be happy with me. That’s not how this is supposed to work.”

Nate’s smile is almost a smirk, and Brad narrows his eyes at that being his response.

“I chose my words poorly,” Nate concedes. “When I say it’s something he’s willing to do I mean that literally. I mean that, for Walt, he doesn’t want you to be anything but yourself for him. That’s why I think you two are so good together. All he wants, from what I can tell, is for you to admit that you care about him and not sleep with other people. That’s two things that you are totally capable of doing. I doubt he’s asked you to change yourself, he likes who you are.”

Brad is ready to argue, ready to tell Nate that he has no idea what he’s talking about, but Nate seems to sense that so he continues.

“Look at Ray and me. There are plenty of people who wouldn’t want to put up with either of us.” Brad snorts but Nate ignores him. “It’s not because we’re ignoring those parts of each other that other people might not like, it’s because, to us, those things don’t matter.”

“Like how Ray is an obnoxious, loud-mouth,” Brad says with a smirk.

“ _I_ don’t see him that way though, I think he’s funny and brilliant. See, what I may think is a rude, uncommunicative person,” Nate says, motioning to Brad. “Walt may have no problem understanding your way of communicating.”

“And what I see as a pompous, over-emotional dickhead, Ray…he must see something there,” Brad jokes and Nate rolls his eyes but doesn't stop his smile.

The water begins to boil on the stove and Nate gets up to turn it off and pour some for them both.

He doesn’t sit back down then, just makes his way toward his room before turning around to look at Brad again.

“You know how I said I was shocked when I found out you were with Caroline?”

Brad nods.

“It’s not because I didn’t think you were ‘the relationship type’ or something dumb like that, it’s because you just seemed so alone, not lonely, just…” he trails off, shaking his head, clearly unsure of his words. “All I know is that whatever it is that I hadn’t seen in you before, I see it when you’re with Walt. And it’s a good look for you.”

With that, he turns and walks into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

 

Brad closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and counts to ten. 

When he opens his eyes again he takes a beat before turning and walking back down the hallway. 

He doesn’t even get to the elevators this time before he stops and forces himself to turn around.

Brad knows he can do this, knows he has it in him to say what he needs to say and accept the consequences, whatever they may be. He knows this, unfortunately, the fact that it has taken him almost a half an hour to knock on a door means his body has not gotten the memo.

He takes another deep breath, reminding himself that the sooner he does this the sooner he can go home.

Finally, mercifully, he is able to make his arms move enough to knock on the door.

“Jeff, I swear to God, oh,” Walt says as he swings the door open, eyes widening as he looks up to meet Brad’s.

“Who’s Jeff?” Brad asks, trying to not show how amused he is by Walt’s frustration with this unknown person.

Walt rolls his eyes. “Nobody important.”

Though, just a second later he peeks his head out into the hallway, looking around, before grabbing Brad’s arm to pull him into his room.

“Nobody important, huh?” Brad teases.

Walt huffs as makes his way further into the room. “It’s a long story, filled with regret and alcohol.”

Brad tries not to show the very real grimace that his face tries to form at just the idea of Walt and this Jeff guy.

“Ray isn’t here, obviously,” Walt says, motioning toward Ray’s side of the room to reveal that it is, in fact, empty.

“I actually wanted to talk to you,” Brad says. 

He’s hit with a sudden wave of déjà vu, this feels all too reminiscent of the last time Walt and he made a big change in their relationship. Only, this time, Walt doesn’t look tired and like he’s trying to hide beneath the safety of a large sweatshirt like before. In fact, Walt looks…fine. He seems completely normal, which has been the case every time Brad has seen him over the past few weeks, as though what happened between them hasn’t affected him at all.

It makes Brad second guess everything he’s planning on doing here. Walt is clearly doing fine without him, probably even better off. Who is he to come in and try to take that from him?

But he’s already decided that Walt deserves the truth from him, and then he can decide what he wants to do with that information. 

“What’s up?” Walt asks, taking his computer chair this time, leaving Brad the option of Walt’s bed or standing.

He sits, opting for being eye level, only, as soon as he meets Walt’s eyes his mind goes blank. Brad knows he came here with a list of things to say, but he can’t remember a single one of them.

So, instead, he blurts out, “did you mean it, when you said that you were excited for me to go to OCS, even though it meant we wouldn’t really get to talk?”

Walt squints at him for a moment before slowly nodding his head. “Uh, yes?”

They watch each other for several seconds before Walt deflates. 

“Of course, I’m happy for you, Brad.”

“You know, I’ll be gone a lot after school. Will probably end up moving back to California, or wherever I end up getting stationed,” Brad says, not looking away from Walt’s face as he speaks.

Walt watches Brad through narrowed eyes like he’s trying to figure out what’s going on inside his head. Brad wishes Walt could read his mind, it’d make everything so much easier and he’d never have to find the right words to explain what is going on in his brain at any given time.

“You said it yourself,” Brad continues. “Long distance with me is infuriating.”

That makes Walt frown, watching Brad for another moment before he sighs and lowers his head, covering his eyes with his hand. He stays quiet for a while, and Brad scratches at the comforter at his side while he waits for Walt to say or do anything.

Finally, without a word, Walt stands, taking the few steps to stop in front of Brad’s legs and reaching up to place his hand on Brad’s shoulder.

Brad still isn’t sure what to say, so he just wraps his arm around Walt, pulling him in so that he can rest his head on Walt’s stomach. Getting to touch him again, after weeks of not being able to is the best Brad has felt in a while, he soaks it in, taking as much as he can before Walt inevitably tells him to let go.

“I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to do,” Walt says running his fingers through Brad’s hair,

“I know you have.”

“You said you wanted to still be friends, that you wanted me to be around still.”

“I did.”

“I’m really trying here, Brad. I have to just sit around and act like I don’t feel anything like you didn’t fucking wreck me when you just ended it.” 

His voice is brittle and tired and Brad has to tug him in just a little further as he listens to it. The last thing he’s ever wanted was to hurt Walt, though he knows that’s almost all he's ever done. The reason for every stupid thing he’s done up until now had been a calculation of risking some pain now to spare Walt more pain in the future. But Brad sees now that his calculations have been off. 

“What do you want, Brad?” Walt finally asks and Brad sighs, closing his eyes and squeezes Walt tighter.

“I think we should go back to what we were before,” Brad says.

The hand in his hair stops moving and Walt starts to push away, but Brad holds on.

“Just…without sleeping with other people,” Brad continues.

Walt stops struggling against his hold. “What?”

Brad keeps his forehead against Walt’s stomach, stumbling over his words as he says, “and I tell you how much you mean to me every once in a while.”

“Brad.”

“And instead of introducing you as my friend to people, I introduce you as my boyfriend.”

The hand is in his hair again and Walt says, “you’ve never introduced me as your friend to anyone.”

Brad grins. “I can’t promise I’ll be any good at it.”

Walt sighs. “Brad.”

“I’ve only been one other person’s boyfriend before and I wasn’t very good at it.”

“Brad.”

“You can call Caroline and ask.”

“Brad, look at me.”

Brad opens his eyes finally and lifts his head to see Walt’s smile. The rapid beat of his heart somehow only grows at the sight, the only word that comes to Brad’s mind is radiant. It’s as if Walt is radiating light from his smile and Brad is at a loss for words, knowing that he is the reason Walt is smiling like that. He wants to be able to put that smile on his face every single day.

Thankfully, Walt doesn’t seem to need any more words from him as he dips his head to pull Brad into a soft kiss, not frantic or deep or searing the way they normally kiss, and yet Brad can feel so much emotion being poured into it that he nearly loses his breath.

After a minute, Walt pulls away with another smile.

“It’s about fucking time, Brad.”

All he can do is smile back and pull Walt in again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> Also, If there is ever anything you'd like to see with these guys, like moments you think might be missed please let me know and I will try to write it (if it fits).


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